When We All Are Growing Older

Everyone deals with their own aging in their own way. Whining is an option of course or railing against time works. Denial is often the choice of many; though resignation runs a close second. Then when we realize that our peers are also dealing with the age and running out of time syndrome; we become even more aware of the hour glass of life. For our perception of others is always based on where they fit in the timeline of our life. If they made the biggest impact when we were children we perceive them always the way they were then. No that's not quite what I mean; I am not sure how to express this thought at all. Maybe an example would help. My nieces for example; I always think of them as the kids, the girls, though they are grown women. I turned 50 last year and boy did it make me feel older. This year my younger sister and two of my nieces turn 50 and it hardly seems possible. Age seems to only relate to myself in my mind. These thoughts are not flowing out correctly and it is making me very frustrated. The bottom line is no matter how old you get, the people you perceived as the "kids" will always be the kids even if they are getting older. Weird huh?

GRANDCHILDREN AND REMEMBERING THEY ARE NOT YOURS

So you have kids, you bring them up the best you can, and then they have kids. You love your grandchildren in a totally different way from your children. You love them and try to maintain a distance because if you let go you stick your nose where it isn't wanted and problem doesn't belong. My oldest grandchild, a girl, just informed me she is getting her lip pierced. Did she think I would yell hurrah? I believe people should do what they think is best for them without judgement from others; yet she is only fifteen and I do feel it isn't the best thing for her to do.

And there is the thing, I am only grandma not mom so I will take my nose out of the whole issue.

Then there is Mikey; he lives with his mom right now and I must say he has changed in ways that I am not sure are good. Yet when he lives with his dad, my son, I don't feel he receives everything he needs to learn and grow into a happy child. Yet there it is again, I am only grandma not mom, not dad, so I will take my nose out of the situation but it will be hard.

Oh yes I do have another grandson, his name is Tyler and he is a whole other story. Then there is sweet Laela the newest granchild. She is a sweetheart who I do not know well enough for my liking.Just for the record no matter what my love for these children of my children will never fade.

LAELA

MIKEY ALEXANDRA TYLER

When a Job Becomes Just That

First off the pictures I post with my blogs are totally irrelevant; kind of like me. I just like random pictures and believe visual stimulation helps keep my mind running. Well this is just a quick note about how my job has lost it's allure for me. Of course when I first started working at this job it was just a means to make some money. I only worked part-time at first because I had young children and only needed some extra for the family. Well that's not really true; there were some extenuating circumstances, but that's a whole other blog. Back to the dulling of my interest in my job. Over the years I increased my hours at my job for one reason or another. As all jobs go there were good times and bad; but because I spent so much time there and because it became second nature to do the things I had to do my time at work was quite pleasant. Indeed, sometimes work was an actual refuge from the stress of personal life. I have worked in the same place coming on nineteen years and you would think that I would be past being bored with it. Still work, like life has a great degree of repetition and I seem to be at a stage of life where repetition makes me want to tear my hair out. I'm not sure, but it seems to be an adult attention deficit disorder. I still have moments when my job makes me smile and if I have to work, I guess working somewhere you are used to is a great thing. But yet I do believe the time is coming for change and if I didn't have so many financial responsibilities that time would be sooner than later.

On a last note I do wish there was a punctuation check as well as a spell check. Or maybe I should have paid more attention all the years ago in school.

First Thing In The Morning

I am sitting here at 9:51 in the morning typing on this darned computer. Up until about a year and a half ago, I had never even really used one. Now the first thing I do in the morning, if I don't go to work, is get on this thing. What happened to just getting up, eating breakfast and starting the day. This is a very addictive medium and I am not sure it is a good thing. I read an article in the paper the other day, yes it was just before work so no access to a computer. The article was talking about a book or something intitled Is Google Making Us Stupid. Not that I think I am getting stupid from using the computer but I do believe it playing havoc with my patience and my ability to focus. Seems like if something takes more than 30 seconds I want to go on to the next thing. In the same breath though I must say that I can be on here for hours without realizing it. It's a very very strange situation to say the least. I wonder if other people feel this strange hold the internet has on me. I believe that I must exert a little more self control and just stay off for awhile.

Adult Children And The Troubles They Cause

When your children are born and you gaze upon their innocence and never envision the stress they will bring. Oh when they are young of course there is stress but most of their problems can be solved with a kiss, a hug, or even just a cookie. They get a little older and it takes a little more but still you can usually cope with their life woes. Then bam they are adults with problems much bigger and more life changing. The problem is that you can tell there is a problem but they don't always let you in on the details. So you worry and fret and worry some more. Sometimes they do let you know what the problem is and you try to fix it for them knowing full well that it is not the right thing to do. After all they are adults and it is their life; still they are still your babies and you cannot help but worry and fret and worry and fret. You spend a lot of time wishing for the days of kisses and hugs and cookies.

The Strange Feeling You Get Seeing Your Own Words In Print

Wow, I have such and ego problem. Normally low self-esteem dogs me every day. Or does it? Sometimes I believe I falsely give the impression of low self-esteem so people do not realize how full of myself I am. I mean really; why am I on here blogging like anyone wants to read what I have to say. Or maybe I am just doing this to validate my existence; my thought process, myself really. I used to write in a journal and then I stopped. My journals became histories of my idiosyncrasies that seemed to haunt me. When I can think and type my thoughts come faster and seem to release emotions that I keep pent up on a normal basis. But back to that strange feeling. I sit here and write, rambling most of the time. Then when I read things that I have written; I think wow there I am right there for everyone to see. And because it is in print for some reason I feel more real than I normally do. You see; sometimes I don't feel real. Sometimes I don't feel like I really exist. Odd huh?