I AM GOING TO RANT A LITTLE AGAIN. I HAVE SUCH STRANGE THOUGHTS AND WHEN I TRY TO PUT THEM ON PAPER THEY DON'T REALLY COME OUT RIGHT. YOU KNOW HOW YOU LIVE IN THE WORLD; THE GREAT BIG LARGE WORLD? AND HOW YOU LIVE IN YOUR MORE INTIMATE WORLD OF FAMILY,FRIENDS,AND AQUAINTANCES? WELL WHAT IF THERE IS AN EVEN SMALLER WORLD WHICH YOU EXIST WITHIN; YOUR OWN PRIVATE UNIVERSE THAT WRAPS ITSELF AROUND YOU INVISIBLE TO ALL. A WORLD THAT EXIST AS YOU EXIST; A WORLD WHICH IS ULTIMATELY YOU. WHAT IF YOU CAN COEXIST IN THE WORLDS OF OTHERS WITH OUT YOUR OWN WORLD ALWAYS COMING TO THE FOREFRONT SO FOR A LONG TIME YOU WERE NOT EVEN AWARE OF THIS PRIVATE WORLD THAT IS YOU? WHAT IF YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE THAT THE PRIVATE WORLD OF YOURSELF IS A VERY DARK PLACE ; A PLACE THAT WANTS YOU TO STAY THERE AND THERE ONLY. WHAT IF YOU BECOME AWARE THAT THIS DARKNESS COULD POTENTIALLY BE HARMFUL TO THE ONES YOU LOVE? WHAT DO YOU DO? WHAT DO YOU DO?Written by jmdragonwolf Permalink Blog about this entry Add to del.icio.us digg this
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Monday, March 3, 2008
8:56:26 PM EST Edit Entry Delete Entry
computer addiction
I SIT HERE PLAYING ON THIS THING THOUGH I HAVE GONE LONG PAST BOREDOM. I DON'T LEAVE I THINK BECAUSE THERE IS A FEELING THAT I MIGHT MISS SOMETHING; WHAT I COULDN'T TELL YOU. SOMEWHERE THERE HAS BEEN EMBEDDED IN MY MIND THAT THERE IS AN AMAZING THING ON HERE IF I CAN JUST FIND IT. WHAT THE AMAZING THING IS I DO NOT KNOW BUT THERE IS THAT FEELING THAT ELUSIVE FEELING. SO I SEARCH , I LOOK, I PLAY , I INTERACT IN WAYS THAT I AM NOT FAMILIAR WITH ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THAT SOMETHING; THAT SOMETHING THAT I CANNOT IDENTIFY. I LOSE MYSELF AND BECOME CONFUSED AND AFRAID. SOMETIMES I BECOME AFRAID ENOUGH TO LEAVE AND THAT IS JUST WHAT I AM GOING TO DO NOW. HONESTLY I AM GOING , REALLY, HONESTLY, OH HECK.Written by jmdragonwolf Permalink Blog about this entry Add to del.icio.us digg this
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11:35:12 AM EST Edit Entry Delete Entry THE OTHER DAY I CAME UP WITH THIS WEIRD VISUAL OF HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY LIFE .

 I VISUALIZED MYSELF AS A MOUSE IN MAZE TRYING TO GET TO THE CHEESE .

 I JUST KEEPING GOING IN NEW DIRECTIONS ALL OF THE TIME SURE I AM ON THE RIGHT TRACK TO FIND THAT DARN CHEESE.

 BUT ALL I DO IS COME TO DEAD ENDS ALL OF THE TIME.

 WHAT I DON'T REALIZE IS THAT THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO THE MAZE AND I AM ON A COURSE TO NOWHERE.

 THEN I REVISED THE VISUAL TO A CONCEPT WHERE THE CHEESE I WAS AFTER WAS CONSIDERED THE BEST CHEESE OF ALL ,

THE ULTIMATE CHEESE YOU COULD SAY.

 THE ODD THING IS THAT AS I TRAVEL THROUGH THE MAZE THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I COME ACROSS PERFECTLY GOOD CHEESES AND DON'T EVEN GIVE THEM A CHANCE BECAUSE OF THE VISION OF THE ULTIMATE CHEESE FILLS MY MIND LEAVING NO ROOM FOR ANYTHING ELSE.

 I TRAVEL THROUGH THIS MAZE WITH NO SOLUTION LOOKING FOR AN IDEAL THAT IS PROBABLY NO BETTER THAN THE REALITY I AM CAPABLE OF REACHING.

 BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO STOP.

 THUS I SLOWLY WITHER AND DIE RATHER THAN GIVE UP ON THE IDEAL.

 ODD ISN'T IT?

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007
1:21:14 PM EDT Feeling Quiet Hearing elvis jukebox hits Edit Entry Delete Entry
may 15 2007
today i'm trying to take the time to smell the rosestoday i'm in a state of contentmenttoday is a good dayWritten by jmdragonwolf Permalink Blog about this entry Add to del.icio.us digg this
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1:19:22 PM EDT Feeling Chillin' Hearing the king Edit Entry Delete Entry
a beautiful day so far
a beautiful day shouldn't be wasted awaya beautiful day should be cherished and enjoyeda beautiful day is a treasure from the universea beautiful day is a gift from the godsa beautiful day reminds us that life is gooda beautiful day will stay in your heart for quite awhilea beautiful day will almost always make me smileWritten by jmdragonwolf Permalink Blog about this entry Add to del.icio.us digg this
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Thursday, April 26, 2007
10:09:56 AM EDT Feeling Worried Hearing tv sounds Edit Entry Delete Entry
family
FAMILY IS A WONDERFUL THING. YET THEY ARE THE DIRECT REASON FOR MOST OF OUR WORRIES IN LIFE. THE BALANCE BETWEEN THE JOY THAT FAMILY BRINGS AND THE STRESS THEY CAUSE IS VERY DELICATE INDEED. ONE WONDERS IF KNOWLEDGE WAS HAD BEFORE THE BEGETTING OF CHILDREN WOULD SAID CHILDREN THEN EXIST. SUCH KNOWLEDGE IS BETTER UNAVAILABLE OR MAYBE FAMILIES WOULD NOT BE CREATED. I SUPPOSED WE SHOULD CONCENTRATE ON THE JOY OF FAMILY NOT ON THE WORRIES THAT FAMILY BRINGS. STILL WORRIES SEEM TO BE STRONGER THAN JOY SOMETIMES.Written by jmdragonwolf Permalink Blog about this entry Add to del.icio.us digg this
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Monday, March 19, 2007
9:52:25 PM EDT Feeling Sad Hearing none except whats in my head Edit Entry Delete Entry
one month since i found out craig was dead
today has been an odd sort of dayi had to go to the house of my dead husband and take care of things it always makes me confusedafter i left there i went shopping and spent too much money i guess i was over compensating for my sense of grief and confusionit helped a little like it always does and then i kinda of regret itdoesnt it always seem like you are on the ride at the playgroundthe little merrygoround thing

what can i say said the monkey to the mouse

 how can so many thoughts still live in this house

the mouse replied with a voice so sad

because the children have lost their dad

he went away on a day of snow

he went away and they didnt know

the house holds his dreams and his life

the house held all but not his wife

his wife she ran far from the house and his thoughts

she ran and ran and that hurt him a lot

the children they tried to fill up the space

but the truth she saw in his eyes and his face

the house someday i'm sure will be still

but her mind i'm sure it never will

the guilt that she feels will color her life

will always give a bit of strife

this tradeoff she is willing to take

if only for the children's sake

God keep the man and give him rest

may God do what he thinks is best

Written by jmdragonwolf

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Sunday, March 11, 2007
3:23:21 PM EDT Feeling Surprised Hearing rock 107 classic rock Edit Entry Delete Entry
3 weeks since my husband died
can't believe its been 3 weeks since he left. seems like life has gone into fast forward and slow-motion at the same time. my mind spins into overdrive then slows into a thickening fog. i'm sure it will even out eventually. just feels like life will never be the same. which of course is true. how does a life end so abruptly. makes me wonder what sense life is anyway. just one of those things we will never understand i guess. shouldn't even be writing about it. just another way to dwell. seems like i need to pick at it like a scab. wish i could stop. oh well.Written by jmdragonwolf Permalink Blog about this entry Add to del.icio.us digg this
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Sunday, February 25, 2007
10:39:39 PM EST 

A Blue jay screams as he wings thru the air

Letting us know that springtime is near

He flies the skys with knowledge of old

Never seeming to even mind the cold

He knows that winter will very soon be gone

That spring will quickly and surely come along

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Saturday, February 24, 2007
4:04:56 PM EST Edit Entry Delete Entry this week is not cool tooo much stuff going on hope the universe settles soonWritten by jmdragonwolf Permalink Blog about this entry Add to del.icio.us digg this
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woke up this morning with my head upside down

made the world look weird all the way around

i sit here wondering how can this be so

with my head upside down where can i go

should i take to my bed once again

will my head turn right side up then

i think i will give it a try

said the upside down headed lady with a sigh

jmdragonwolf's AOL Pictures Public Gallery.

          A PEN                                                                                                                                                                

          A PENCIL

         A PIECE OF CHALK

        ARE SOME OF THE THINGS THAT WE MAKE  TALK

        WORDS ON PAPER OR ON A BOARD

        RELEASING THOUGHTS WE'D LIKE TO HOARD

        THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS PUT DOWN IN TEXT

        WHATEVER WILL THEY MAKE US DO NEXT

        THINGS WE'VE MANAGED TO KEEP INSIDE

        THINGS WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO HIDE

        OUT THERE FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE

         IN A WAY IT WILL SET US FREE

        FOR WHEN FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS ARE KEPT AT BAY

        THEY SEEM TO CONTROL US IN SOME HORRIBLE WAY

        LET THEM LOOSE, LET THEM FLOW 

        NOW THOSE FEELINGS HAVE A PLACE TO GO

        A PLACE THAT WILL USE THEM IN A DIFFERENT WAY

        A PLACE WHERE THEY WILL LIVE ON COME WHAT MAY
Tags: poetry, thoughts, self-expression

SO WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE MONSTER CALLED BOREDOM HITS YOU. IT IS SUCH A REAL THING THAT EXISTS EVEN WHEN YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY THINGS TO DO. AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR BRAIN BLAMES THE FEELINGS THAT THIS MONSTER BRINGS ON THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU. IT ISN'T THEIR FAULT AFTER ALL NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS EXCEPT YOURSELF. AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD AND WHAT I HAVE READ. STILL IF WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS AND ALSO HAVE A STRANGE FEELING THAT WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HAPPINESS OF OTHERS EVEN THOUGH THAT FEELING SHOULDN'T EXIST SINCE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN HAPPINESS ISN'T THERE A HORRIBLE SENSE OF CONFLICT. AND ISN'T THAT SENSE OF CONFLICT A WALL THAT IS VERY HARD TO GET PAST TO FIGHT THE BOREDOM MONSTER AND ALLOW YOURSELF TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY. WOW THIS IS REALLY RAMBLING AND NOT MAKING ANY SENSE. IT IS JUST A RESIDUE OF AN ATTACK BY THE BOREDOM MONSTER.

JUST A NOTE TO SHOW I'M STILL HERE

SO I GUESS A LOT OF TIME HAS GONE BY SINCE I LAST ADDED ANYTHING TO THIS BLOG SITE. I WAS INFORMED OF THIS BY A GOOD FRIEND WHO WENT OUT OF HER WAY TO CHECK MY BLOG OUT. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT LIFE HAS GOTTEN IN THE WAY OF MY THOUGHTS. OR MAYBE MY THOUGHTS ON LIFE ARE NOT NECESSARILY SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO PUT IN PRINT AT THIS MOMENT. HAVE YOU EVER FELT THAT WRITING SOMETHING DOWN MAKES IT MORE REAL OR GIVES IT MORE POWER. I BELIEVE WE ALL FEEL THIS WAY. IT IS WHY WE MAKE LISTS AND WHY WE CREATE BUMPER STICKERS OR GRAPHIC TEES. BECAUSE WORDS HAVE SUCH POWER AND WHEN IN PRINT THEY SEEM TO BE EVEN MORE POWERFUL. AS I WAS STATING MY THOUGHTS ON LIFE RIGHT AT THIS TIME ARE NOT VERY PLEASANT AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GIVE THEM MORE POWER BY SEEING THEM IN PRINT. I'M SURE I WILL BE BACK SOON POURING OUT MY HEART OR JUST EXPRESSING SOME STRANGE THOUGHT THAT LEAPT INTO MY MIND OUT OF THE GREAT VOID OF THE WORLD. UNTIL THEN MAYBE SOMEONE COULD SHARE THEIR WORDS WITH ME. HOPE THE FALL IS GREAT FOR ONE AND ALL.

MY OWN COMPUTER ADDICTION

LORD BUT I'VE GONE AND DONE IT AGAIN. SPENT THE BETTER PART OF THE DAY ON THIS DANGED COMPUTER. HERE I HAVE A DAY OFF AND YES THERE ARE PLENTY OF THINGS I NEED TO GET DONE AND THINGS I'D LIKE TO DO. YET THE FIRST THING I DO WHEN I WAKE UP IS GET ON THIS EVIL THING. I KNOW IT'S NOT EVIL BUT ONCE I LAY MY HANDS ON THE KEYBOARD I SEEM TO BE DONE FOR. THERE IS ALWAYS SOME NEW SITE TO BECOME PART OF. SOME NEW WINDOW (AND NOW I KNOW WHY THEY CALL IT WINDOWS) TO PEER THROUGH. IT'S LIKE YOUR LIFE IS DISSATISFYING SO YOU MUST LOOK AND LOOK FOR SOMETHING BETTER. ITS THE WHOLE ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS THING. YOU FEEL DIFFERENT HERE ANOTHER VERSION OF YOURSELF. AS YOU BROWSE AND CLICK AND TYPE YOUR MIND IS TELLING YOU THAT TIME IS AWASTING BUT YOU DON'T LISTEN YOU SWAT IT AWAY LIKE A BUG. JUST ONE MORE PAGE, JUST ONE MORE PICTURE, LET'S SEE WHAT SO AND SO IS DOING. GEEZ IS THAT REALLY TRUE ,NOW LET'S CHECK OUT THIS LINK, OMG WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE. WELL THIS LITTLE CHICKY HAS TO STOP FOR AWHILE OR SHE WILL EXPLODE.

NETWORKING SITES THAT SEEM LIKE INFORMATION FISHERS

I JOINED A NETWORKING SITE CALLED EONS AND NOW I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT IT. IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SITE FOR PEOPLE IN MY AGE GROUP AND I WILL BE HONEST AND SAY I HAVEN'T EXPLORED IT THAT MUCH. STILL THE SMALL AMOUNTS OF STUFF THAT I HAVE EXPLORED THERE SEEM LIKE DEVICES TO FISH FOR INFORMATION. I JUST DID A QUESTION AND ANSWER PART OF THE PROFILE AND THE QUESTIONS DEFINITELY SMACKED OF INFORMATION SEEKING. OH WELL I GUESS THEY HAVE SPONSORS FOR THEIR SITE AND THIS IS HOW IT'S PAID FOR. NOT SURE THE SITE IS RIGHT FOR ME BECAUSE THE PEOPLE ON IT ARE NOT REALLY IN MY BRACKET OF INTERESTS. WE SHALL SEE.

WISHES

Don't we all wish we had a dragon for a friend? Strong and faithful and wise. Someone to tell our woes to whose wisdom would help us find the way in the world. A friend who is not of the mundane world. A friend beyond comprehension to the average world we live in. Don't we all wish we had a dragon for a friend.

FEELING SMALL IN THIS MASSIVE WORLD OF INFORMATION ON THE WORLDWIDE WEB

I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE CHECKING OUT VARIOUS BLOGS ON THIS SITE. THIS HAS CONTRIBUTED GREATLY TO MY SENSE OF SMALLNESS THAT I GET WHEN I SEARCH THE WEB. I CAN FEEL SMALL IN A GATHERING OF A FEW PEOPLE; IMAGINE HOW I FEEL WHEN I REALIZE THE MAGNITUDE OF PEOPLE ON THE WEB. IT IS AMAZING! IN MY LIFE THINGS HAVE CHANGED SO GREATLY THAT I FEEL OVERWHELMED SOMETIMES. WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND THE WORLD I LIVED IN WAS A SMALL COMPACT PLACE THINGS SEEMED SO SIMPLE. OF COURSE I REALIZED THAT THERE WERE OTHER THINGS GOING ON OUTSIDE MY TINY UNIVERSE BUT I DID NOT HAVE ACCESS TO THEM SO THEY DID NOT AFFECT ME AS MUCH. AS I GOT OLDER AND LIFE TOOK ME AWAY FROM MY SMALL WORLD OF EXISTENCE; I BEGAN TO REALIZE THAT THERE WAS A LOT TO SEE, FEEL, AND THINK ABOUT. MY CHOICES BECAME ALMOST UNMANAGEABLE. SO MUCH STUFF, SO MUCH INFORMATION NOW; FOCUS HAS BECOME DIFFICULT. HOW DOES A PERSON FEEL WORTH IN THIS WORLD IF FOR EVERY TALENT THEY THINK THEY HAVE THERE IS SO MUCH MORE OUT THERE MAKING IT LOOK LIKE NOTHING. I REALIZE THAT ALL EFFORTS IN LIFE COUNT BUT THE HARDEST THING TO DO IS TO CONVINCE ONES BRAIN OF THAT FACT. THE PRAISE AND TRIBUTE I WILL GIVE TO THE SMALLEST EFFORT BY ANY PERSON IS SOMETHING I FAIL TO GIVE MYSELF. MAYBE ALL PEOPLE FEEL THIS WAY AND IF THIS IS SO I HOPE MY SMALL WORDS OF PRAISE AND ENCOURAGEMENT I GIVE ANY ONE OF MY FELLOW MEN GIVES A GLIMMER OF MEANING TO THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. I WILL CONTINUE TO TRY TO NOTICE THINGS PEOPLE DO AND SHOW THEM I NOTICE. MAYBE THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF ALL PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE EACH OTHERS EXISTENCE AND SPECIALNESS BECAUSE WE CANNOT ACKNOWLEDGE IT FOR OURSELVES.

SUMMER DAYS BEING WASTED

YES ONCE AGAIN THIS IS JUST A RANDOM PICTURE. SOMEHOW IT SEEMS MORE FUN TO HAVE A PICTURE WITH THE POSTS. THIS POST IS ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE SUN IS SHINING AND IT IS A RELATIVELY NICE SUMMER DAY AND HERE I AM INSIDE. IN FACT THE WHOLE DARN FAMILY IS INSIDE, EVEN THE DOG. HAD MY SON COME UP FOR A VISIT AND IT SEEMS WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH OURSELVES. KINDA MAKES ME WISH I HAD JUST LET HIM STAY HOME AND I COULD HAVE MOWED THE LAWN. STILL AT LEAST WE ARE IN THE VICINITY OF EACH OTHER. I WOULD FEEL WEIRD GOING OUT TO MOW THE LAWN WHEN HE IS HERE. MAYBE I SHOULD ANYWAY BUT IT IS GETTING KINDA LATE. YOU KNOW I KEEP TYPING KINDA AND I DON'T THINK IT IS EVEN A WORD. I WENT OUTSIDE FOR AWHILE TODAY AND TOOK PICTURES AND STUFF. THEN I ALSO SAT ON THE DECK AND READ BUT STILL WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE OLD ME? I USED TO LIVE OUTSIDE IN THE SUMMER. WALKING AND STUFF WAS WHAT I DID. WELL I GUESS ALL THINGS CHANGE. JUST WANTED TO WRITE A LITTLE ABOUT IT AND NOW I AM GETTING OFF. HOPEFULLY NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE WILL READ THIS RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE HOPEFULLY THEY ARE OUTSIDE ENJOYING SUMMER. SUMMER DAYS SHOULD NOT BE WASTED.

When We All Are Growing Older

Everyone deals with their own aging in their own way. Whining is an option of course or railing against time works. Denial is often the choice of many; though resignation runs a close second. Then when we realize that our peers are also dealing with the age and running out of time syndrome; we become even more aware of the hour glass of life. For our perception of others is always based on where they fit in the timeline of our life. If they made the biggest impact when we were children we perceive them always the way they were then. No that's not quite what I mean; I am not sure how to express this thought at all. Maybe an example would help. My nieces for example; I always think of them as the kids, the girls, though they are grown women. I turned 50 last year and boy did it make me feel older. This year my younger sister and two of my nieces turn 50 and it hardly seems possible. Age seems to only relate to myself in my mind. These thoughts are not flowing out correctly and it is making me very frustrated. The bottom line is no matter how old you get, the people you perceived as the "kids" will always be the kids even if they are getting older. Weird huh?

GRANDCHILDREN AND REMEMBERING THEY ARE NOT YOURS

So you have kids, you bring them up the best you can, and then they have kids. You love your grandchildren in a totally different way from your children. You love them and try to maintain a distance because if you let go you stick your nose where it isn't wanted and problem doesn't belong. My oldest grandchild, a girl, just informed me she is getting her lip pierced. Did she think I would yell hurrah? I believe people should do what they think is best for them without judgement from others; yet she is only fifteen and I do feel it isn't the best thing for her to do.

And there is the thing, I am only grandma not mom so I will take my nose out of the whole issue.

Then there is Mikey; he lives with his mom right now and I must say he has changed in ways that I am not sure are good. Yet when he lives with his dad, my son, I don't feel he receives everything he needs to learn and grow into a happy child. Yet there it is again, I am only grandma not mom, not dad, so I will take my nose out of the situation but it will be hard.

Oh yes I do have another grandson, his name is Tyler and he is a whole other story. Then there is sweet Laela the newest granchild. She is a sweetheart who I do not know well enough for my liking.Just for the record no matter what my love for these children of my children will never fade.

LAELA

MIKEY ALEXANDRA TYLER

When a Job Becomes Just That

First off the pictures I post with my blogs are totally irrelevant; kind of like me. I just like random pictures and believe visual stimulation helps keep my mind running. Well this is just a quick note about how my job has lost it's allure for me. Of course when I first started working at this job it was just a means to make some money. I only worked part-time at first because I had young children and only needed some extra for the family. Well that's not really true; there were some extenuating circumstances, but that's a whole other blog. Back to the dulling of my interest in my job. Over the years I increased my hours at my job for one reason or another. As all jobs go there were good times and bad; but because I spent so much time there and because it became second nature to do the things I had to do my time at work was quite pleasant. Indeed, sometimes work was an actual refuge from the stress of personal life. I have worked in the same place coming on nineteen years and you would think that I would be past being bored with it. Still work, like life has a great degree of repetition and I seem to be at a stage of life where repetition makes me want to tear my hair out. I'm not sure, but it seems to be an adult attention deficit disorder. I still have moments when my job makes me smile and if I have to work, I guess working somewhere you are used to is a great thing. But yet I do believe the time is coming for change and if I didn't have so many financial responsibilities that time would be sooner than later.

On a last note I do wish there was a punctuation check as well as a spell check. Or maybe I should have paid more attention all the years ago in school.

First Thing In The Morning

I am sitting here at 9:51 in the morning typing on this darned computer. Up until about a year and a half ago, I had never even really used one. Now the first thing I do in the morning, if I don't go to work, is get on this thing. What happened to just getting up, eating breakfast and starting the day. This is a very addictive medium and I am not sure it is a good thing. I read an article in the paper the other day, yes it was just before work so no access to a computer. The article was talking about a book or something intitled Is Google Making Us Stupid. Not that I think I am getting stupid from using the computer but I do believe it playing havoc with my patience and my ability to focus. Seems like if something takes more than 30 seconds I want to go on to the next thing. In the same breath though I must say that I can be on here for hours without realizing it. It's a very very strange situation to say the least. I wonder if other people feel this strange hold the internet has on me. I believe that I must exert a little more self control and just stay off for awhile.

Adult Children And The Troubles They Cause

When your children are born and you gaze upon their innocence and never envision the stress they will bring. Oh when they are young of course there is stress but most of their problems can be solved with a kiss, a hug, or even just a cookie. They get a little older and it takes a little more but still you can usually cope with their life woes. Then bam they are adults with problems much bigger and more life changing. The problem is that you can tell there is a problem but they don't always let you in on the details. So you worry and fret and worry some more. Sometimes they do let you know what the problem is and you try to fix it for them knowing full well that it is not the right thing to do. After all they are adults and it is their life; still they are still your babies and you cannot help but worry and fret and worry and fret. You spend a lot of time wishing for the days of kisses and hugs and cookies.

The Strange Feeling You Get Seeing Your Own Words In Print

Wow, I have such and ego problem. Normally low self-esteem dogs me every day. Or does it? Sometimes I believe I falsely give the impression of low self-esteem so people do not realize how full of myself I am. I mean really; why am I on here blogging like anyone wants to read what I have to say. Or maybe I am just doing this to validate my existence; my thought process, myself really. I used to write in a journal and then I stopped. My journals became histories of my idiosyncrasies that seemed to haunt me. When I can think and type my thoughts come faster and seem to release emotions that I keep pent up on a normal basis. But back to that strange feeling. I sit here and write, rambling most of the time. Then when I read things that I have written; I think wow there I am right there for everyone to see. And because it is in print for some reason I feel more real than I normally do. You see; sometimes I don't feel real. Sometimes I don't feel like I really exist. Odd huh?