I Am Alone in My Musings

I am afraid. Afraid of dying for the first time ever. No, I should rephrase that, I am afraid of death for the first time but I have always been afraid of the dying process. Death used to mean transition to me not an ending. That was when I believed in things. Things like God and then when the concept of God became an illogical idea, things like spiritual energy and other-worldly existence and continuance. However, as of late I seem to have lost all belief in anything I cannot see or touch. This leaves me alone and adrift and frightened. I wouldn't even know who to talk to about this or how. Part of me really really wants someone or something to make me believe. Make me believe in a fantastical afterlife, make me believe that those gone before are somewhere to reunite with, make me believe that the me that I am will continue but happier and better than the me that I am, make me believe that Death is not a period at the end of life. I want someone or something to make me believe. Make me believe that there is a power to help in times of strife, a power to rejoice in times of joy, a power to feel my pain, my fear, and my confusion. Make me believe even if it is a fairy tale for fairy tales used to be my favorite stories.

Sometimes It Would Be NIce To Be More Positive

Do you ever feel like you are less than you probably are? Do you compare your thoughts and talents to those of others and find them wanting? Do you ever feel like an insignificant piece of nothing in a world of amazing? Do you want to be comfortable with who you are deep down inside? Do you want to do the things you like and not feel like it is all a waste? Do you want to appreciate others abilities without that knot of resentment that you feel when your own abilities seem less by comparison? Do you want to just be content with the you that is probably as wonderful as you find others to be? Do you?
You are the you that you are and that is a wonderful thing. Your thoughts and talents are yours to enjoy not to be put up for comparison and they are wonderful. The world is an amazing place with amazing things and people and you are an amazing part of it. If you stop and breath and be quiet you can feel and hear the deep down inside part of you and it will bring you comfort. Nothing you do in life is a waste, it is all part of a grand collage of existence. Go ahead and enjoy the abilities of others and do not hold yourself up in comparison as all beings are unique and the same at once and are all part of the bigger picture. Without each participant life would be a puzzle without all of it's pieces so feel secure that all contributions are just as important as any. Look in the mirror and know that the image you see is amazing and special and never let that feeling go. Just be you.

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to me.
Yippy you say?
Pardon me if I don't quite feel that way.
Sure, when I was younger
Birthdays made me smile.
Haven't felt that way for quite awhile.
Every year they come and go.
A day of joy?
Another year older, oh boy!

A Cold and Blustery Day in Central New York

It is very cold and blustery this 26th day of March here in Lee Center, NY.  This would not be unusual except for the very unusual weather we have had for the previous two weeks. Temperatures so far above normal that all kinds of records have been broken. People getting sunburns, mosquitoes having a hay day, and early bloomers all the way around. The crocuses and snowdrops have come and gone, the daffodils are dancing in the wind. Hyacinths are scenting the air and tulips are trying to catch up. Rose bushes and trees are sprouting leaves in eager anticipation. And now the cold has returned and a big freeze is expected this evening. What will happen to all of these early bloomers? Will the cold cut their early beginnings short and stunt their summer time beauty; or will they stand strong against this renewed onslaught of the cold? I hope for the latter because it would be a shame that the joy we all derived from the early warmth should be squashed by the sadness of a spring halted in mid-step. So let us all have hope and let the power of our hope win out. Bless us all.

life as i see it by jackie: The troubles of life and the rescuers

life as i see it by jackie: The troubles of life and the rescuers

The troubles of life and the rescuers

I am definitely not equipped to handle major stress issues. When the big hard things happen in life I crumble like a piece of tissue paper. I manage to pick myself up and do what needs to be done but the whole time there is another me inside screaming I don't want to deal with this, I can't deal with this!!

At the same time the visible me just keeps on moving and trying to keep up a good face. One of these days the inside me is going to win.

Today is February 6 2012

Today is another day in another month in another year in the same old life. Yet not the same old life because every minute that goes by makes this life a new moment. The moments in your life add up to time spent in creating your existence. Thus it cannot really ever be the same old. That is just a perception. Perception, there in lies the crux of the situation I find myself in at any given moment of my so called life. How I perceive things just keeps causing me all kinds of trouble and heartache. Over thinking is also a problem of late. So on this day of February the sixth of the year two thousand and twelve I sit here putting words down for no reason except that it is what I feel like doing at this moment in my so called life. It also helps me to avoid all the things that I don't want to deal with at this moment in my so called life. Of course all of this avoiding of things is exhausting so before you know it my so called life will probably just slip away without me having lived it. So sad.