Christmas 2009

M

Merry Christmas world. It is 7:07 on Christmas morning and I am on here because I am waiting for the pumpkin pie to cook. Yes I do have to get the turkey ready but I am in no hurry to stick my hands into the carcass of a dead bird right now. Lol. As I sit here writing this I am having a cup of tea, for some reason coffee didn't appeal to me this morning, am eating pie crust with cinnamon and sugar. My family will know what I am talking about. So I sit here knowing that I have a bunch of stuff to do and I am tired; but I think my main problem is that Christmas is weird without kids. Sure they will be here later and the grandkids too but where is the morning mayhem. I should be glad because I really don't have the energy for the whole Santa routine but it kind of makes the Christmas experience a little odd. Of course everything changes and adapting is good. Still adaptation has never been my strong point as you all know. Well, I really just wanted to wish the world and my family and friends a Merry Christmas. Hope Santa treated you all good! Most of all I hope that your hearts are full and your soul is peaceful and your hope is strong. Bless you all.

STILL MORE OUT OF NOWHERE THOUGHTS

I REVEL IN MY MADNESS
FOR IT IS MINE AND MINE ALONE
YOU CANNOT SHARE IT
NOR CAN YOU TAKE IT AWAY
YOUR WORDS OF COMFORT AND LOGIC
MIGHT MAKE ME HIDE IT
UNDER A SEMBLANCE OF NORMALCY
YET STILL IT REMAINS MAKING ITSELF KNOWN
WHENEVER YOU SEE AN ACTION
THAT MARKS ME AS AND INDIVIDUAL
DIFFERENT FROM THE REST
FOR THIS THE REASON
MY MADNESS REMAINS
TO KEEP ME FROM BEING YOU

just another randomness that came to me

I CAME FROM ABOVE
AND I WANT TO GO BACK
HOW WAS I TO KNOW
WHAT THIS LIFE WOULD LACK
WHERE IS THE JOY, THE EXCITEMENT,
THE LOVE
IT WAS FOR THESE THINGS
I CAME DOWN FROM ABOVE
I WILL GO BACK AND
NEVER RETURN
UNLESS THERE IS A WAY
FOR ME TO RELEARN
TO LIVE MY LIFE
AS IT SHOULD BE
TO ACCEPT THAT THE PROBLEM
WAS ACTUALLY ME

THE EXISTENCE OF VIOLENCE AND AGGRESSION

I AM WRITING THIS POST TO CLARIFY A FEW THINGS. INDEED VIOLENCE HAS EXISTED AS LONG AS MAN HAS. ALL TYPES OF ANIMALS HAVE SOME FORM OF AGGRESSION OR THEY WOULD NOT SURVIVE. HOWEVER MAN SEEMS TO BE THE WORST ANIMAL FOR MISDIRECTING THIS AGGRESSION. YES OUR SURVIVAL REQUIRES DIFFERENT FORMS OF AGGRESSION THESE DAYS SO MAYBE WE NEED OUTLETS FOR IT. I BELIEVE THAT IS TRUE ESPECIALLY FOR MALES AND QUITE OFTEN FOR FEMALES TOO. THUS WE HAVE COMPETITIVE SPORTS AND YES VIDEO GAMES. HOWEVER WHAT I AM SAYING IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT STOPS BEING GROSS AND AWFUL AND SCARY WHEN SOMEONE IS CARVED TO PIECES AND IT STARTS BEING COOL. WHAT KIND OF BEING THINKS THAT IS COOL. IT IS JUST A THOUGHT.

A COLD DAY OF THOUGHTS

TODAY I AM TYPING IN CAPITALS. IT DOESN'T MEAN I AM YELLING AS THE CYBER-SPACE CONTINGENT HAS INFORMED ME. IT MEANS THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE HITTING SHIFT WHEN CAPITALS ARE ACTUALLY NEEDED AND AVOIDS THAT GUILTY FEELING I GET WHEN I DON'T CAPITALIZE WHEN IT IS NECESSARY. TALK ABOUT WEIRD AND ABNORMAL PHOBIAS. OH WELL, IT JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT WHEN YOU ARE TAUGHT SOMETHING IT GRABS HOLD OF YOUR BRAIN WITH A VENGEANCE. NOW THERE IS A THOUGHT; WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG AND YOU ARE BEING EDUCATED THE LESSONS ARE REPEATED OVER AND OVER UNTIL THEY SEEM TO BE HARDWIRED INTO YOUR BRAIN. DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THAT MAYBE YOUNG CHILDREN BEING EXPOSED TO VIOLENCE AND SEXUAL VISIONS ON TELEVISION AND VIDEO GAMES ON A CONSTANT BASIS MIGHT BE HAVING SOMETHING TOTALLY EVIL HARDWIRED INTO THEIR BRAINS? I NEVER USED TO FEEL THIS WAY BUT LATELY I HAVE WITNESSED BEHAVIOR AND LISTENED TO TALK FROM YOUNGER PEOPLE THAT SUGGESTS THE TRUTH OF THIS MATTER. AND WHY ARE SO MANY VIDEO GAMES BASED ON VIOLENCE? WHAT IS THE DRAW? WHY HAVE WE STOPPED STRIVING FOR THE HIGHER GROUND, FOR THE BETTER PARTS OF OURSELVES,FOR THE SOFTER PARTS OF OURSELVES? WHAT FEAR HAS IMPOSED ITSELF UPON US TO MAKE US GIVE UP ON THE IDEA OF A SHANGRAI-LA EXISTENCE WHERE PEACE AND HARMONY EXIST. WHERE MANKIND THRIVES AND GROWS WHILE CARING FOR EACH OTHER LIKE WE WERE ALL ONE. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MAN? WHEN DID WE REVERT TO ANIMAL. NO MATTER HOW TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED WE HAVE BECOME, SPIRITUALLY WE ARE STARTING TO REVERT TO THE DARK AGES. I AM NOT TALKING GOD HERE PEOPLE BECAUSE THAT IS JUST A LABEL. I AM TALKING INNER SPIRITUALITY WHERE THE TRUTH EXISTS. WHERE WE KNOW THAT VIOLENCE BEGETS VIOLENCE AND WE KNOW THAT HATE BEGETS HATE AND WE TRULY KNOW THAT WE ARE ONE SOUL BOUND TOGETHER. THE HARM WE DO TO EACH OTHER IS SELF-DESTRUCTIVE AS WE ARE TRULY ONE. MAN IS BEING SEIZED BY AN EVIL; AN EVIL THAT IS PERVASIVE AND STRONG. I FEEL THAT EVIL EVERYDAY, WITHIN MYSELF AS WELL AS AROUND ME. I AM AFRAID.

just another day

Sitting here wondering why I am even writing anything. Maybe just so I will realize I still can. Anyway the brownies are in the oven and the smell is quite pleasant. Since I can acknowledge that something is pleasant I guess I am okay. Yes once again I am spiraling into my own world of angst. Where everything means nothing and nothing means everything. Where I cannot feel and yet feel too much. There is a sense of unbalance and uncomfortableness. I feel alone yet surrounded by so many that there is a pressure both from the outside and the inside. I am unrecognized as myself always an extension of someone elses needs, wants, perceptions. Yet I am almost sure that it is my own perception of myself and the world around me that is askew. I believe that I am crying out for help and don't really believe that there is any help to be found. For if I cannot define what the problem is how can anyone know what to do to help. Always there is the question that has no answer. It just is.
Ah, I believe I have found the problem and the answer all in one. It just is.

A Moment of Peace

As I gaze at the flowering vine
adorning the dark green tree,
An unlooked for sense of peace
suddenly comes over me.
All the many things that
have been troubling my mind;
You know what things,
the annoying, irritating kind.
They seem to fade away
for a tiny little while.
And while they are gone,
I remember once again how to smile.