So What did You Expect?

You act like a dark and dismal cloud

Pushing away all forms of concern

You wallow in your self-pity

A constant refrain of poor me

falling from you lips

You expect everyone to understand

when you don't understand

You spend precious time just

being miserable

Why don't you just stop?

You could pretend it is all okay

You could just deal with the way it is

You can try to push through the fog

You could, you should, you don't

They stay away and let you be

They don't ask or offer answers

They move on

What did you expect?

Trying to rid myself of the nothingness

I am so sad and depressed, feeling which I cannot abide.

I have always thought that these feelings were over talked about and too much power given to them.

I realize now that sometimes feelings are beyond your control and logical reasoning.

I am sad and don't know how to be not sad.

Even if everything in my world went just the way I felt it was supposed to, I think the sad would find it's way in.

It has no logic, it is beyond my control.

I am lonely and feel disconnected to everything and everyone.

There is no logic in this, it just is.

I am on here writing about this because I don't know what else to do.

I want to sleep but the body will only sleep so much.

I just want not to be, but not really, I think I want to feel good again but can't see it.

Life has changed and many of the changes are of my own doing and many are in the hands of others.

My family is fractured, my love breaking.

I feel unseen and disconnected.

There isn't even my own connection to myself to grab on to because most of what I am lately makes me want to not be.

I do not want my unhappiness to impact others and yet really what I probably want is someone to make me happy.

How do you stop being unhappy?

Writing is not helping in my struggle today, this becomes very apparent when I start to babble.

I will stop.

Lost in the Grayness

She is lost in a world gone gray, her purpose unclear, she is lost in a world of chaos, her lack of interest in things once dear, she is lost in her own feelings, over thought and unwelcome, she is lost in her own reasoning, not sound and overwhelming, she is lost and crying, yet no one can hear, she is lost and hurting, and won't let anyone near, she is lost while still existing, not knowing what she should do, she is lost to herself, she is lost

and life goes on

Life goes on whether happy or sad

Life goes on even if you feel bad

You rise each day and start anew

You rise each day not wanting to

            You hope and pray for a solution to things

        Yet a solution is not what the day brings

You sleep at night to ease your pain

You sleep at night to rest your brain

Life goes on whether happy or sad

Life goes on even if you feel bad

the turtle

Don't mind me said the turtle to the frog

I am just going to sit for a bit on this log

I know there is work to be done

But for now I wish to sit in the sun

That is fine replied his friend the frog

Just bide your time here on this log

The work will get done soon enough

I know you've had it kind of rough

So the turtle and the frog sat for a while

Where the warmth of the sun could make them smile

she doesn't recall

They say her name is Hattie McCall

She never wanted any children at all

She could never find her place on this earth

Not from the very day of her birth

She doesn't really believe in heaven above

She doesn't know how to handle love

They say her name is Hattie McCall

Before that she was no one at all

This Life and Where It Is Going

My life is in a tailspin it seems to me.

Not knowing what I should do or who I should be.

Trying to live in the framework we have created.

Pretending it is working is definitely overrated.

Do we think that if we deny that things are wrong,

We will be back to the way we were before long?

No blame am I placing except upon me.

I am just saying I wish you saw what I see.

Dancing around the problem won't make it go away.

Tomorrow's issues will be the same as today's.

My unhappiness is like a disease without cure.

How much more of my craziness can you endure.

Your way to handle my emotional stress,

Is to keep yourself busy and away from my mess.

Oh you've tried to console me and make it go away.

But you really don't understand or know what to say.

I've tried to explain the way that I feel and what I see,

But you will never really get it or really get me.