Trying to rid myself of the nothingness

I am so sad and depressed, feeling which I cannot abide.

I have always thought that these feelings were over talked about and too much power given to them.

I realize now that sometimes feelings are beyond your control and logical reasoning.

I am sad and don't know how to be not sad.

Even if everything in my world went just the way I felt it was supposed to, I think the sad would find it's way in.

It has no logic, it is beyond my control.

I am lonely and feel disconnected to everything and everyone.

There is no logic in this, it just is.

I am on here writing about this because I don't know what else to do.

I want to sleep but the body will only sleep so much.

I just want not to be, but not really, I think I want to feel good again but can't see it.

Life has changed and many of the changes are of my own doing and many are in the hands of others.

My family is fractured, my love breaking.

I feel unseen and disconnected.

There isn't even my own connection to myself to grab on to because most of what I am lately makes me want to not be.

I do not want my unhappiness to impact others and yet really what I probably want is someone to make me happy.

How do you stop being unhappy?

Writing is not helping in my struggle today, this becomes very apparent when I start to babble.

I will stop.