This Just Isn't Getting Better

I feel like a weight is just pushing down on me. I know that feeling the way I do is all on me but knowing does not help. I don't feel like anything matters. Get up in the morning okay but if I didn't so what. Get dressed okay but why. Clean the house okay but who cares. Do something to pass the time and yet time keeps right on coming. Feeling this way is just so stupid. The sun comes up every day and the world keeps on spinning but mostly it feels like a life that I am on the fringe of. There is no energy within myself to focus for any length of time. My brain feels like there is a way to live and I must keep on moving but my heart has grown weary and unable to experience life as it should be experienced. I cannot seem to give of myself anymore. I seem to have decided on a path of letting the world come to me if it chooses and if it doesn't than my feelings of being unwanted have always been correct. It seems that you are wanted if you can provide something to others and honestly others are wanted if they can provide something to you. I am just so confused about how I feel that I am trying not to feel but feeling is like breathing, don't do it and you die. This malaise that has settled upon my being brings back thoughts of my past self and the possible realization that there is fundamental problem with my ability to function in the real world. I am so tired.