Do We Dream Our Fears?

Woke up this morning with a headache so I got up and took some pain pills and went back to bed. Had the strangest dream ever. Was at work and couldn't actually seem to do my job. Tried to ring customers out and the computer was working correctly and then I couldn't see or figure out which buttons to push. Was taking me forever to do the smallest thing.  The feeling of anxiousness in the dream was just overwhelming. There were other parts in the dream that were even stranger but not meant for public reading. I guess I should have just gotten up and taken the pain pill without going back to bed. It is only ibuprofen but it seems to do that to me every time.

Oh Come On Brain!

Trying to be happy is exhausting I think.  When you have a hard time in life but you talk about it with your significant other to at least try to get life back on track it kind of adds another type of stress.  So you have a couple of good days because the problem is out there and you are both trying to find solutions.  The problem is that for every good moment my brain says so what are you going to do next to keep this going?  And we are not just talking about relationship issues. We are talking about everyday existence.  For every fun or interesting thing that I manage to do my brain says so what is next on the fun train?  My brain just expects every moment to have some kind of wow factor so when it doesn't look out.  Exhaustion immediately sets in and now my brain wants to just sleep.  And yet sleep in itself has it's own set of what's next questions. Dream, wake up, dream wake up, and in the dreams there is always this weird sense of what's next. Listen brain, why can't you just accept life for what it is?  Enjoy what you can and just be for the rest of the time.  What is with this need to be absolutely enjoying every minute of every day and when you don't you just want to escape into the not reality of dreaming? Come on brain!

I Just Can't Control My Spending The Way That I Think I Can

Budgeting is definitely not my forte.  I always think I have a handle on it and then I nickel and dime myself right over my budget.  Granted I don't make a lot of money but if I were more careful it would be fine.  The problem is when I go to the store to grab a two dollar soda and end up with a six to ten dollar order of just stuff.  Or when I calculate what I can spend and then continue to spend more by quick store stops for this that and the other thing.  So I will forever be two steps behind in bills and constantly hoping it will all work out.

Why Don't I just Cut The Garden Back In The Fall

Every fall I swear I am going to cut the garden on the side hill back so I don't have to work so hard in the spring.  And every fall, what with the mums still blooming and Halloween decorating it just never happens.  So every spring I have to brace myself on the hill and break off the dead stalks from the mint and various other natural plants that I let grow there.  Do I wear gloves you ask?  Well that would be the smart thing to do but they just seem to get in my way so I do it all bare handed.  Thus I am typing this with very sore hands but the deed is done.  The clean up of the piles of garden refuse is time consuming and tiring but exercise is good for you, right?  Anyhow the side hill is cleaned up and some daisies that decide to migrate to the lawn have been tucked into the inside perimeters of my side hill garden which seriously resembles the side of a country road.  We shall see what new surprises mother nature brings me this year.  Here is a picture from last year, let's hope I have as much green this year.  

Will The Silly Things I Write Still Be In Cyber Space When I Am Gone?

Rereading pasts posts made me aware today that who I am is pretty much put out there for the world to see.  But unless someone accidentally comes upon it no one will know.  An unread blog is like a time capsule that is never found.  Information that was important to the people that buried it that never gets seen again.  It is just there stuck in limbo.  Makes you curious about the things that are stuck in limbo because no one has been in the right place or right time to find them.  Do they still have a worth or are they just a lost piece of a bigger puzzle.

How Long Will I Keep This Up

Relationship, what exactly does that mean?
A connection, co-existence, mutual survival?
If connection is lost is the relationship done?
If you still co-exist is it still a relationship?
If you are just surviving each other why do you continue?
Life is hard to figure out at the very least so why bother?
How long will I keep this up?

Getting Too Big For His Britches

When your grandson gets old enough to be in an "altercation" at school it starts to get hard.  The child got into it today at school and ended up with a broken hand.  All I can think is he is this bony fragile child and now look.  Not sure of all the facts yet but feel bad for him either way.  It would be easier if grandchildren stayed little.