A Cold and Blustery Day in Central New York

It is very cold and blustery this 26th day of March here in Lee Center, NY.  This would not be unusual except for the very unusual weather we have had for the previous two weeks. Temperatures so far above normal that all kinds of records have been broken. People getting sunburns, mosquitoes having a hay day, and early bloomers all the way around. The crocuses and snowdrops have come and gone, the daffodils are dancing in the wind. Hyacinths are scenting the air and tulips are trying to catch up. Rose bushes and trees are sprouting leaves in eager anticipation. And now the cold has returned and a big freeze is expected this evening. What will happen to all of these early bloomers? Will the cold cut their early beginnings short and stunt their summer time beauty; or will they stand strong against this renewed onslaught of the cold? I hope for the latter because it would be a shame that the joy we all derived from the early warmth should be squashed by the sadness of a spring halted in mid-step. So let us all have hope and let the power of our hope win out. Bless us all.

life as i see it by jackie: The troubles of life and the rescuers

life as i see it by jackie: The troubles of life and the rescuers

The troubles of life and the rescuers

I am definitely not equipped to handle major stress issues. When the big hard things happen in life I crumble like a piece of tissue paper. I manage to pick myself up and do what needs to be done but the whole time there is another me inside screaming I don't want to deal with this, I can't deal with this!!

At the same time the visible me just keeps on moving and trying to keep up a good face. One of these days the inside me is going to win.

Today is February 6 2012

Today is another day in another month in another year in the same old life. Yet not the same old life because every minute that goes by makes this life a new moment. The moments in your life add up to time spent in creating your existence. Thus it cannot really ever be the same old. That is just a perception. Perception, there in lies the crux of the situation I find myself in at any given moment of my so called life. How I perceive things just keeps causing me all kinds of trouble and heartache. Over thinking is also a problem of late. So on this day of February the sixth of the year two thousand and twelve I sit here putting words down for no reason except that it is what I feel like doing at this moment in my so called life. It also helps me to avoid all the things that I don't want to deal with at this moment in my so called life. Of course all of this avoiding of things is exhausting so before you know it my so called life will probably just slip away without me having lived it. So sad.

Sad is not a good feeling

Sad is not a good feeling, especially when it is an unreasonable sad. If you can't bring yourself to address the problems in your life that are making you sad then it is unreasonable to be sad. Still the sad is there and it is an undeniable feeling coursing through your body, threatening to take over all of the time. You just keep moving hoping you can hide what you are feeling and what you are thinking. Sometimes you are not even sure what you are thinking so you just don't say or do anything, try to sleep or feign sleep, anything to keep Sad at bay.

  SAD IS NOT A GOOD FEELING

Where did the me I recognize go?

When did I become someone who I don't really recognize? How did this creep up on me? MY feelings are foreign to me and my reactions that of a stranger. When I am alone I think I know how things are and how they can be but as soon as I am around others I spin out of control. Oh it isn't always noticeable because most of the time I can hide it but inside there are all of these question marks and exclamation points flying around having a war. There isn't anywhere for me to turn because in the end it is all me. I have to get a handle on things, I have to decide what direction to turn, I have to figure out who I am. I can't turn to God because my mind says it isn't a logical thing, one higher being controlling it all or even guiding it all, not possible, not probable, and not really a comfortable idea. Higher power? The not logical mind says it rests in all of us, that (God) is power radiating off of every living and non-living thing in the universe and our ability to tap into it for any reason. If that is the case one can understand the evil that is around because that power exists also and the good because there is that power too. But in the end my logical mind has lost all ability for fantasy, feeling like every thing that I feel and do is the result of the neurons in my brain not firing correctly. That this life is all there is and really why bother. But still there is an iota of hope because nothing in this universe seems to be set in stone, even things that are predictable a million times over sometimes veer off the predictable path. Even if (God ) isn't some benign power watching over us, maybe the power floating around this universe can help instead of hurt. Maybe you just have to let yourself be open to help. And that is the hardest thing of all.

browser confusion causing internet fear

Being new to the internet even though it has been five years, I have tried one browser after another. Speed is the real issue and then when you experience speed any lag seems very very long. In actuality the time is very short but now you are used to doing many things in the space of a few seconds so irritation quickly sets in. I am now using firefox mozilla and am not sure if it is the right one but we shall see.
Maybe my son is correct and I should just stay off the computer.