feeling lost and unappreciated

Her name is Hattie McCall

She hasn't any children at all

Her name once was Jackie Reeder

trying to be there when her children

did need her

One day she woke to a thought

That all she had tried

was for naught

The children she loved and cared for

Didn't really see her anymore

Oh they'd take

whatever she had to offer

They deserved it, after all

she was their mother

They'd let her worry and be

full of fear

They'd listen to her thoughts

yet not really hear

If one day they realized

she was no longer there

She wonders if they would

really care

In her mind there is Hattie McCall

The woman who has no children at all

Life Changes

We are together you and I

by choice and by chance

We've grown apart it seems to be

not noticed at first glance

The things we did that made us smile

haven't the same effect at all

It might be me, it might be you

we might be up against a wall

Do we give up on this life together

going in our separate ways

Do we smile and just pretend

somehow getting through the day

We should talk about this feeling

and try to make it go away

Find a way back to our hearts

save this love, what do you say

the kingdom of i don't care

there is a kingdom of i don't care

it really exists everywhere

in the kingdom of i don't care

there is no sympathy anywhere

you aren't feeling very well

no sympathy no matter who you tell

you think you might be losing your mind

no sympathy of any kind

the dog is sick

they don't give a lick

you're worried about this or that

they don't really have time to chat

everyday seems a day to dread

no one hears a word you've said

in the kingdom of i don't care

there is no sympathy anywhere

I think I am a bit narcisist

She has arisen to start her day. With so many things she wants and needs to do she will most likely procrastinate and do little. She sits momentarily in front of the computer trying to retrieve photos from the camera memory card. The last transfer from the camera left photos behind. This happens often and she does not understand. She checks the finished operation and sees success. A good sign maybe, who knows. She had a restless night's sleep with varied and unusual dreams. Dreams about a discussion on brushing your teeth and how it is a time when your emotions break through. Dreams about getting everyone to shut up so her view could be heard where she was Monica? from Friends but was also shutting Monica up. Dreams about parties and drunks and babies and traveling over mountains and water. Dreams about strength contests and possibly Willie Nelson? Dreams about orange juice made with milk. A confusing kaleidoscope of images that somehow were real at the time. She is awed and frightened by dreams. She will not pursue the thoughts of them for it strains her mind. She must get back to the photo issue and then do some of the many things on the days to do list. Maybe it should be a to maybe to do list. Ahh, a funny. Ha-ha.

It doesn't seem to want to get warm

The skies are gray today. She is tired of wearing her wool coat, but it was only 39 degrees this morning. They say it won't warm much today and will most likely rain. The rain is welcome she thinks; for her bulbs need the moisture. There is possibility of spring snow; not a welcome event , yet not surprising. She waits to go meet her son this morning as he will be accompanying her on her ride. This breaks up her normal routine which is good but also intrusive.. As she has sat at her corner today listening to the bustle of the establishment; she is quite happy she does not work here. There is a supervisor that is like a little gestapo hen. She is quite sure this person does her job with efficiency but she is a bit scary. Thus the gladness at not working here. Unfortunately her time at her corner table was marred a bit by the tones heard coming from this tiny gestapo-like woman. Thus goes her morning so far.

The strange thoughts I think

A man gets out of a blue pick-up wearing a suit and bow tie. She wonders why. Then she thinks; there is a media event today about the riggie-fest. Hmmm..... The riggie-fest is tomorrow. It could be fun but it is all the way in Utica. Yes, she knows that isn't far but some people would disagree. No matter. The weather is supposed to be nice tomorrow so she will probably spend the whole day outside. She will be happy then; that is if she feels better. It would not be good to spend her days off not feeling well. Randomness coming up!!! Yesterday she stopped in a consignment shop near her work. It has just started so there was not much there. Still she spent six dollars she shouldn't have. The thought of bringing her stuff there to sell entered her mind. She isn't sure if she wants to do that but it is worth considering. There were some framed pieces of a local artist that were very similar to her own odd creations. She felt odd, like something that was just hers wasn't. It was an uncomfortable feeling.

The week seemed long

She is on the fourth day of a five day work week. Sounds normal enough but she is used to working two days and then a day off, then two days and two days off. It doesn't help that she doesn't feel well but seriously she does feel like she is whining. As she sits drinking her morning coffee, she just wants to go home to bed. At least it isn't raining as she anticipated; a bright spot in her day. She will try to enjoy the bright spots and only think about one more day and then three days off. Yet two of those days she will not have the house to herself. She so does like having the house to herself. Maybe if the chores get accomplished on the weekend she can just do whatever she wants on Monday. Still the weather is supposed to be fine on Saturday so she will probably be outside all day. That will be nice unless it worsens the breathing issue this spring has caused. Still it is worth the discomfort she thinks.. She shall have to wait and see.