I have been feeling more depressed lately than ever. I kind of attribute it to my age and family issues. Actually I guess I really attribute it to me being more me than usual. Not being busy enough to not be the real me. Sometimes I get up in the morning and just want to go back to bed even though I don't enjoy sleeping because dang I dream a lot! Not dreams that make me feel good but dreams that make me feel like I feel all of the time. That right there is a sign to me that the blah feeling that I am always experiencing is an issue deep inside. Still sometimes I think maybe there is an outside cause of the intensity of the depressed feeling and the difficulty of getting past it. I use artificial sweeter in my coffee and in the soda that I drink. Looked it up today and I guess it can effect you neurologically. So maybe I will go back to plain old sugar that we all know isn't good for you. I am never going to not eat sugar one way or another so why confuse my system with the artificial stuff. I was kind of hoping it would keep my weight down but it actually hasn't so it is going to go. There is a part of me that thinks I should be able to control my feelings even with outside influences but it gets harder and harder. Wish I could just tell myself be happy gosh darn it. Nope that doesn't work.
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