Feelings Best Left Unsaid

She wakes to yet another day with a sense of dread and sadness
When did these feelings start to dominate her world
Once more she goes through the motions of the day, much like the day before
However the motions have started to be spaced with periods of nothingness
Just sitting not wanting to move or start the next useless activity to fill a day
This is a terrible way to feel, to act, to live, this she knows
She is not quite herself but can't seem to figure out what herself should be
There is anger, resentment, sadness, disappointment and self hatred
There are tears and pain and hopelessness fighting to get loose
She knows she should not feel or act the way that she does, which makes it worse
Just stop her mind screams, get up, do the stuff that has to be done
Just stop her mind screams, do something to distract yourself
Just stop her mind screams do not let your emotions take hold and control you
She feels like she should be quiet and invisible so no one will know
She feels like she should be quiet and invisible so not to cause pain
She does not stay quiet though she mostly feels invisible
She does not stay quiet and most likely causes others pain
She wishes it was not this way
She is very tired of it all

Allowing Yourself Moments of Sad

When life doesn't turn out the way you expected you adjust in whatever way is good for you. I never expected to have a family that seems so disconnected from each other. I know even family doesn't always see eye to eye but I guess I always thought the fact that we were family would glue us all together. I believe I always wanted the type of family life where we all loved each other and wanted to be around each other. Well it hasn't really worked out that way so I just keep telling myself that it is just the way it is. It makes for a bit of withdrawal for protection and then all of a sudden the emotions will overtake all of the rationalizations that your brain has set in place and you become a puddle of sad. The key is to let yourself become that puddle for a bit and then pull it all back together for a bit more.