I Cried Last Night

We all cry at times in our life, for good reasons and for bad.  I try not to cry because it hurts my head and usually resolves nothing.  I guess it might be a safety valve but it makes me feel like here is one more thing that I have no control over.  I can't get over whatever it is that is enveloping me this year.  This sense of nothingness mixed with unbelievable anger.  Anger at the world for no good reason but mostly anger at myself for not being able to live life better.  I honestly don't feel like I belong in this world anymore. I have tried the whole live life for others and that just seems to fuel my anger.  I have tried live life for myself and that just seems lonely.  I try to connect with life hoping that the real thing will kick in but it is not working.  Mostly I just can't believe that either no one can see me falling apart or they, like myself can't figure out what to do,

so they just live around it hoping for things to work out. I don't know how to interact with the people around me but can't seem to go about any kind of activity when there are people around me because I feel like I should be connecting with them in some way.  Since it all seems so wrong I try to sleep a lot which in it's own way is defeating.  Then when I come out of sleep my brain just goes into overdrive and every decision and action that I question does a crazy dance in there like my brain is trying to get me to come up with some kind of fix for this.  But what if there is no fix?  How and why do I go on?  So: I cried last night.