When memories from your childhood crash around in your brain

Finding life difficult these days. Perhaps this is why I am sleeping too much and when I am lying there my brain is trying to retrieve childhood memories. These memories don't flow into sight easily; they pop up hither and yon and then make me try to remember other things. I have a hard time remembering some things and am not always sure that the memories are true or if they are the product of other memories and impressions. As I lay there trying to recall elusive information from a past that gets farther away as the years go by I begin to realize that these memories do not really matter. I get the feeling of that was then and this is now and tomorrow, now will once again be then so what does it matter.  Still I suppose these memories are what makes parts of us who we are so when we can't recall something we should know it sets up a whirlwind of anxiety inside the brain. I have a brother who I haven't seen in a multitude of years so memories of him are more from childhood than anything else. I was trying to recall the names of his children last night and I succeeded until I got to my niece and her name is right there on the tip of my brain but it must be caught on a snag. I will have to ask my sister when I see her. She will remember. I think I forget things about other people because I am so absorbed in myself, which is why I find life difficult. When people treat me kindly it makes me uncomfortable because I don't really believe I deserve it. I feel like they see an image of me that is untrue. It is not that I believe I am a bad person but I do not involve myself in humanity enough to be treated kindly. Lord I am sad.