My son is 27 but in my heart he will always seem a toddler. When this boy was born I feared I could not love him enough and yet what a love I felt. He wrapped himself around my heart as have all of my children. I felt so much a part of his life that I guess I never realized that he was moving away from me. Now that he is a man and life's issues have come between us it is like he doesn't remember the love. He has peeled a layer of my heart away and there is a continuous bleed that will never stop. I have memories of laughter and hugs. I have memories of worries and fears. I have memories of a closeness that has gone away. I have memories but memories aren't enough. I don't want to be his life but to be part of his life and his memories. It seems the only memories of me that he has now are sour ones. Does he ever think of the good ones. Does he remember making me laugh until I cried? Does he remember me rubbing his back and tickling his arms as a child? Does he remember needing me just to be there? Being a parent is very hard, being a parent to someone with unreasonable expectations of what a parent is will break your heart. I will cherish my memories of this middle child and pray that his good memories of me are still there somewhere.
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