A million things I should be doing but painted instead

I have a million things to do today but decided my pantry doors must be painted. I actually have wanted to paint them for awhile but today my brain decided it was time. Originally I was thinking of a dry brush technique like I did in the bathroom but the green paint I used didn't work well for that. Thus the doors got a solid coat of paint instead which actually looks quite nice.  I want to do the cabinets but the green is too dark and I am not sure what other color to use.

TALK TALK TALK

Relationships are work and they require talking. But most of the time I just don't have the energy and get really emotional. What if you just don't know how to have a relationship anymore?

The same old dance, different day

Another day and it's the same old song and dance. Go through the motions of life without addressing the issues that are lurking ever present beneath the surface. When two people go through life just being together they actually become more separate. What an odd situation you find yourself in. The relationship has most likely run it's course but it is such a sad thing you both just stay in denial.

Sometimes it is just so hard to yank myself out of be

Lately I have a hard time getting up. I manage it but the lure of sleep and living in sporadic dreaming is strong.  I really need to shake this but I don't foresee it happening. It is like I am just moving through life because that is what you do. The result is impulse shopping and too much nothing.

Thoughts Just Won't Stop

Thoughts just fly around in my brain lately without my consent. I try to shut the door on them and they sneak through the cracks. I wish I was a strong motivated sort of person who could take life by the horns and make it do what I want. Well, the truth really is that I wish there was someone out there who could do it for me. So many things in my life make me unhappy and yet here I sit writing about it. A strong person would get up and make changes. I can't seem to figure this relationship thing out so I just drift along on the current which makes neither of us happy. Still to be honest if I wasn't here I wouldn't have anywhere to go. My children make me nervous because I worry about them all of the time even though I don't really know how to help them. Oh I pay my son's bills but that is just keeping the worry at bay, it isn't really helping him. I am so tired of being me that my very skin hurts sometimes. As I write this my mind is screaming, whine, whine ,whine! Yeah writing about your issues doesn't really help. All it does is relieve the pressure on your brain a bit so you don't explode all over the place.

Using my blog as a diary of sorts

Since my son told me yesterday that I use facebook like twitter I have decided to write stuff here. If I am only writing to remember stuff that should be okay. However I am pretty sure I post on facebook to remind people I am here. I don't see my family much these days so I like being able to interact in that way. However even this has become dissatisfying because posts don't get seen because so many people have so many friends. Ah, life can be so trying sometimes. Yesterday I made a rump roast for dinner. It came out quite nice, though I do feel I would like to use beef broth instead of the canned consommé I used. I also would go a little easier on the salt, the meat was great but the au jus was salty. Twenty one dollars for two cuts of meat made my head spin and there were no left overs really. Still, six people ate so I guess that wasn't too bad. At least I found out that I can do a roast if I want to. Daniel and Mikayla couldn't stay very long as she had to work today but it sure was nice to see them. I can't wait for summer, I love being able to go outside when my kids come up. The trailer is very small and Rich isn't very social, which becomes apparent when you are in the kitchen talking and he is playing his game on the play station talking to another person through his headset. I was very mad but what can you do. Done trying to figure all of this stuff out.

So I try so hard not to have a jealous issue. Still there is always the thought in the back of my mind.
So when I find a long dark hair in my sink my brain goes to places it shouldn't.  Even when my brain comes up with a solution there is still doubt lurking in the dark corners.