being awake

It is 1:10 a.m. and here I am on the computer. I went to bed very very early because my head hurt. In fact I had barely been up twelve hours when I went to bed. I wasn't so much as tired as unable to figure out what to do with myself with this pain in my head. It is on the left side this time which is unusual and involves my ear. I probably have an ear infection or something but allergy pills and pain pills are not helping. Sometimes I feel like there is a gremlin inside of me trying to get out. I feel like this manifests itself in the various pains I feel on a daily basis. When doesn't my neck hurt? How often do I feel pain free? Actually of late, there hasn't been one moment when I don't feel some sort of pain. Mostly I constantly feel like a complainer talking about being in pain. After all it isn't a pain that causes me to not function at all. It isn't a pain that makes me scream. It isn't pain that I would rate a ten. It is just this constant nag, nag, nag of discomfort. So most times I want to cry or sleep. Unfortunately these things also cause me discomfort. I am sitting here writing this because I am afraid to go back to bed and sleep for two hour intervals. I am afraid that the pain pills I have just taken will not work and the pain in my head will just get worse by morning. Mostly I am almost always afraid. Afraid that nothing will ever feel right again. So I will finish eating my cereal, didn't want to take pills on an empty stomach you know. Then I will finish up here and then I guess I will go back to bed.