Narcissism

I find that within all this depression and self-pity I am a bit of a narcissist. I am constantly perusing my writings here in my blog. I am not sure if it is to check that I am not writing stupid stuff or if I need to reassure myself that I am not half-bad at this. No one else seems to read my writings which I can understand so I read them myself. Maybe I am still looking for that glimmer of me that I can identify with. I do the same thing with my sketches, checking them out and revisiting them to confirm that yes I was the one that did them. It always boils down to constantly reconfirming my own identity as I seem to have lost the ability to hold on to my sense of self.

Getting Caught Up In Your Own Cycle Of Self-Pity

So I feel miserable. Why must that be the only thing I can focus on? Is it like an addiction? Do I actually like feeling this way or does it just make it easier not to make an effort at anything. Oh I can't do this or I can't go there. I am just not up to it the way I am feeling. This goes on inside my head all of the time. Am I over-thinking everything, am I making the feelings or lack thereof more than they actually are? Do I really feel isolated or am I making myself isolated? I really can't answer any of these things but would like to be back to my own semblance of normal. I keep telling myself, snap out of it, but that doesn't help. It is just too easy to curl up and wallow. Sometimes I would like to ask people to tell me who they think I am or how I should be. Maybe I would recognize a glimmer of my real self in one of the descriptions. Then again, maybe I don't really want to know my real self.