Trying To Go On With Life

It seems life has come full circle for me. Once again my son has shut me out even though he says that is not what he is doing. I don't think he has ever forgiven me for not being with his dad when he died and has created a complex reality of it in his mind. Either way he has decided to create a new life that doesn't include me even though I am sure he would have no problem coming to me if he needed something. I miss my grandchildren so I will have to figure out a way to see them and I will need Rich's help for that and that is just another whole story. Sometimes I wish that I could just disappear completely. What is the since of any of this anymore, what is the purpose, why keep struggling? I am so sad right now that I just want to stop being. My heart is broken yet again, maybe if life keeps at me this way it will break for real.