Sometimes Life Affects Your Ability To Breathe

Seems like every day I hold my breath a bit.  I hold my breath so I don't cry.  I hold my breath so I don't say things that can't be unsaid.  I hold my breath like that will keep everything held together.  I hold my breath and I cannot breathe.  I hold my breath and no longer experience the freedom of just living life as it is.  I hold my breath.

A Sad Day

So sad all of the time
So overwhelmed all of the time
Uncomfortable around people, overly irritated by things they say or do
Mumbling under my breath about these things that irritate me, because I either realize that the irritation is irrational or I am afraid of voicing my thoughts, afraid that I will get caught up in the whirlwind
When do you figure it is time to stop trying to make something out of an idea
What is love, why does it hold us captive in it's intensity and in it's waning
How do you come to terms with change
How do you move forward
Do you stay in the same story until the plot becomes twisted and lost and you become a character not really needed
When you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, how can you expect others to be comfortable with you
How do you not resent people not really seeing you, only seeing you in conjunction with who they are
How do you expect people to see and know you if you don't really know yourself anymore
How do you stop thoughts of I wish I could just take my sorry ass out of here so no one has to bother with pretending they are interested or care
Why does the thought I will just take my ball and go home keep running through my head
Especially since the term home hasn't got a lot of meaning anymore
When you have lost the ability to comfort yourself and you will not be comforted by others, there is a constant feeling of pain or an itch that can't be scratched
It can be tamped down so the world need not know but it is always there and bursts through occasionally like lava breaking through the earth's surface only to crust over until the next eruption