Where Have The Warm and Fuzzies Gone?

You know those warms and fuzzy feelings just about everyone has? The ones that make you ooh and aah over fireworks, smile at a baby or want to pet a puppy. Do they go away or maybe into hiding?
Do other less desirable feelings push them aside? What can you say when you should be experiencing a warm and fuzzy feeling and after an initial twinge it just fades into the background and you move on? And I do mean move because if you don't keep moving, filling up your time with activity, there is an emptiness that clamors at the back of your psyche making you just want to not be. Sometimes after just filling up enough time you can close your eyes and retreat into sleep. Sleep and dreaming can be handled because nothing lasts long term in the land of sleep. Dreams are like snippets of life that can be changed if they become too much. A stretch, a yawn, a quick trip to the bathroom and it is gone with another snippet to replace it. No long term commitment and yet no empty space either; no time to get overwhelmed or bored. There is also a wakeful part of your psyche that is aware that these snippets are just stories so their impact on your emotions are fleeting at best. It is a bit like riding a thrill ride, reading a steamy romance, experiencing a fright show, or even watching a feel good movie: a quick punch on the correct emotional button for a temporary reaction and then move on. I guess the warm and fuzzy feelings have gotten lost in dreams and temporary reactions to media where as they used to be the cheering section inside my brain.

Just Drifting Along in Life

Every day that goes by adrift in this sea of whatever is a day lost to life. There is no sighting of the land called solution so I continue to drift. I have provisions for basic survival which is not necessarily a good thing. It leaves me physically safe but mentally uncomfortable. I look for the land of solution but since I am in no tangible danger I do nothing to bring myself in any direction to find this land. Maybe the land will come to me? This is not a feasible concept but the sea of whatever has a strong effect; dampening my thought process until it is warped beyond repair. I fear that being adrift in the sea of whatever is my fate until a storm of enough is enough crashes down upon me forcing a reaction. Whether that reaction will be to survive or perish is yet to be seen.

Spending the day with Michael

Spending the day with Michael is usually filled with many things. He always wants to do everything when he is here and can never stay focused on one thing for too long. He spent the night Saturday so that evening was filled with eating, watching tv, being on the computer, getting out the toys, more tv, etc, etc, etc. Sunday morning started with tv and five minutes later there he goes onto the computer. LOL We put some decorations out, made the dummy, well actually I made the dummy, he gave advice. After he carried the dummy out and set him on the chair I brought out the red paint and we had blood. How I managed not to get it on him I don't know because I got very enthusiastic! My hands ended up looking like I was the murderer. We went inside and made cookies, two kinds and he went on the computer again. Then we proceeded to go back out and add lights to the graveyard and I kept walking through the "blood" and Michael thought that was hilarious. Back inside for a dinner of hamburgs and fries and then it was time to take my little man home. Needless to say I was tired but happy. Sometimes I wish they all lived walking distance from me and then I wonder if that would be a good idea. I think maybe it would be a wonderful idea.

Doing my little bit of artwork may be my savings grace.

My hours at work and my inability to drive leaves me a lot of time to kill before actually having to be a work. I walk and drink too much coffee and unfortunately shop a bit but I also do some of my art. When it got to difficult to be lugging a heavy bag with a regular size sketch pad and supplies I started working on a smaller scale. Sometimes I wish for the bigger size and all of my coloring options but I can satisfy that need at home during the many instances when I just don't know what to do with myself. A great artist I am not, but these endeavors are just a continuance of my love to color as a child and they bring me joy.

When Your Feelings Change Without a So Much as By Your Leave

Oh my love, my feelings for you have grown cold.

Oh my love, my heart wishes for the days of old.

I fear my love that too much time has passed.

I fear my love that the end for us is coming fast.

Oh my love, this is not how I want it to be.

Oh my love, how to fix this I cannot see.

I fear my love that this will not end well.

I fear my love that the last curtain has fell.

Oh my love, I pray this emptiness will leave.

Oh my love, I am not sure what to believe.