Sad is not a good feeling

Sad is not a good feeling, especially when it is an unreasonable sad. If you can't bring yourself to address the problems in your life that are making you sad then it is unreasonable to be sad. Still the sad is there and it is an undeniable feeling coursing through your body, threatening to take over all of the time. You just keep moving hoping you can hide what you are feeling and what you are thinking. Sometimes you are not even sure what you are thinking so you just don't say or do anything, try to sleep or feign sleep, anything to keep Sad at bay.

  SAD IS NOT A GOOD FEELING

Where did the me I recognize go?

When did I become someone who I don't really recognize? How did this creep up on me? MY feelings are foreign to me and my reactions that of a stranger. When I am alone I think I know how things are and how they can be but as soon as I am around others I spin out of control. Oh it isn't always noticeable because most of the time I can hide it but inside there are all of these question marks and exclamation points flying around having a war. There isn't anywhere for me to turn because in the end it is all me. I have to get a handle on things, I have to decide what direction to turn, I have to figure out who I am. I can't turn to God because my mind says it isn't a logical thing, one higher being controlling it all or even guiding it all, not possible, not probable, and not really a comfortable idea. Higher power? The not logical mind says it rests in all of us, that (God) is power radiating off of every living and non-living thing in the universe and our ability to tap into it for any reason. If that is the case one can understand the evil that is around because that power exists also and the good because there is that power too. But in the end my logical mind has lost all ability for fantasy, feeling like every thing that I feel and do is the result of the neurons in my brain not firing correctly. That this life is all there is and really why bother. But still there is an iota of hope because nothing in this universe seems to be set in stone, even things that are predictable a million times over sometimes veer off the predictable path. Even if (God ) isn't some benign power watching over us, maybe the power floating around this universe can help instead of hurt. Maybe you just have to let yourself be open to help. And that is the hardest thing of all.