just another day

Sitting here wondering why I am even writing anything. Maybe just so I will realize I still can. Anyway the brownies are in the oven and the smell is quite pleasant. Since I can acknowledge that something is pleasant I guess I am okay. Yes once again I am spiraling into my own world of angst. Where everything means nothing and nothing means everything. Where I cannot feel and yet feel too much. There is a sense of unbalance and uncomfortableness. I feel alone yet surrounded by so many that there is a pressure both from the outside and the inside. I am unrecognized as myself always an extension of someone elses needs, wants, perceptions. Yet I am almost sure that it is my own perception of myself and the world around me that is askew. I believe that I am crying out for help and don't really believe that there is any help to be found. For if I cannot define what the problem is how can anyone know what to do to help. Always there is the question that has no answer. It just is.
Ah, I believe I have found the problem and the answer all in one. It just is.